I’ve been a bit distracted by you lately. It’s a little bit frustrating sometimes because, well…waiting is not always easy. And of course after a break up, the canyons of yearning make their presence known. Because I respect you, though, I would never consider rebounding you so fresh after heart break (if I thought I knew who you are). I’ve done that enough times to know that it hurts everyone. And I respect you enough not to make haste and manipulate a situation just to satisfy the desires deep within my heart. You’re not a commodity nor a consolation prize or gadget to be toyed with for a while. God created you for me. And He’s preparing you for me. When the time is right He’ll let us know. I trust Him.
I’m not sure if I know you or not; not sure if we’ve met, have known each other for a long time or will meet somewhere in the future. I do know you’re out there, though. God’s shown me things that involve the elusive ‘you’. Sometimes I wish He wouldn’t do that because I get excited and am like a kid before Christmas…I can’t wait! But…I do. And I will. :) I know He shows me things because He wants His glory to be revealed through these nuggets of foresight. I trust Him; and He must trust me with them or He wouldn’t give them to me.
There’s a big part of me that is completely okay with waiting. I’ve rushed enough to know it doesn’t work. So I can be patient. Its the circumstances in this life that seem to irritate and swell the desires tucked so deeply within. I know that manifestation and satisfaction of the desire will not, in itself, make my circumstances better. And again, because I respect you, I would not want to place you in a situation or scenario that would immediately set you up for failure of my expectations. God has to be my everything first (and yours, too), so that we may support one another together through our circumstances, rather than depending on one another to ‘fix’ them.
I know I’m not ready for you. He is refining me through my circumstances right now and until I completely surrender myself to Him alone, He will hold you in waiting. Because if I can’t submit to Him fully, I won’t be able to submit to you fully. And if this is to be a union of God, demonstrating His glorious works through us, we both must be submitted to His authority. I’m okay with that. I’ve been carrying the weight of the world for a long time and I’m really not interested in carrying it any more. I’m pretty tired. And who wants to court a very tired and worn out gal because she continues to demand her own way? I don’t blame Him for not showing you to me yet.
I know I will not be perfect when He does show us to each other; neither will you. Nobody is perfect and life is not perfect but we’ll be pefect for each other. I trust Him for that.
Until we meet, know that I am praying for you. I trust that you are praying for me.
In the Shadow of His Mighty Wings I wait with expectency,
Your Future Wife