Healing Happens…when I’m sitting still

I’ve been visiting 5 Rock Ranch a lot this Spring. It’s a haven for Single Mamas. The owners of the ranch have had a burden/calling for single mamas for 30 years or something like that with the dream of a ranch for 28 years before it was finally manifest a few years ago. 108 acres of gloriousness tucked back into the sticks. There’s a river that runs right next to and behind the giant lodge where we all meet and mingle and share meals, stories, and our hearts together. Games, movies, books, a cafe, piano, giant fire place, and Lazy Boy loungers everywhere. Peace, quite, tranquility or a whole lot of socializing. It’s a world of extremes. Healing takes place here. God is here.

I just spent 4 1/2 days out there. It was cut short a day because I had to take my babe to the doctor. Again. Staff infection this time. Little punkin’ has seen the doc too many times this month! (Three times for those who wonder…) Anyway…while contemplating life and the complexities therein (because the ranch gives one lots of time to contemplate between activities) I honestly struggled a little bit this time, wondering why I’m out there. It was my longest stay so far, so I did have quite a bit more time for my mind to chase its tail.

We single mamas learn to relish the ‘meetings’ we have with a particular mentor or two there, because mountains are moved. Things unknown because they’ve been buried for so long, are unearthed; revealed. There are no time constraints on the excavation process. When we meet, we meet until we’re done talking. My last meeting was five hours. You know how many weeks it would take to work through that in a series of 50 minute hours? Its fantastic. The time devoted to our heart’s needs is nothing less than extraordinary.

It kinda sets a standard; a bar, so to speak, about the healing and growing process. When freedom is found on the other side of those 5 hour mountain moving experiences, its very difficult not to want more. A LOT MORE. And quickly Because freedom feels GOOD! Excavation sometimes is a bit painful…kinda like a backho scraping a giant rock (nails on a chalkboard). But when the boulder is moved…WOW. And so, between meetings, the brain re-engages and wants to work through everything! And the anticipation for the next meeting becomes a little anxiety ridden.

This particular time frame of 5 days I had two short visits equaling a little over an hour. It touched a nerve and the nerve was tended to. But the rest of the time I did not have a meeting and my brain started to swim a bit. Because that’s what it does. It never stops, really. But while mingling with all the activities there I can get lost in the process and I forget how to just be.

It isn’t until I drive off the property that I realize what was moved. A lot was moved. It will probably take me a good week to process what was moved. Maybe I didn’t move a mountain this time, but a lot of earth was redirected. It occurs to me that we don’t always have to be on top of every healing and life changing thing to accept and appreciate the wonder within it. We don’t have to be given directions. An appointment. A meeting. Pieces and parts of new things and perspectives learned find their way into the puzzle and the picture becomes clearer one little piece at a time. Sometimes freedom is gradual. But I’ve found that it takes deliberate down time in order to see it. To find it. Busyness clouds perspective.

I have a difficult time living in the city because of this. Even if I’m sitting still, life zips and swirls by me so quickly I can’t stand it. I can’t think. I can’t breath. I live a mile from the grocery store and I have to sit in traffic to get there. I was born and raised in a very small town. Smallville is in my blood. I must find my way back there someday. Simple. There’s value in simplicity. Life is complicated. And we keep adding more and more and more to pollute and complicate it even further. Less is more. And healing happens when I’m sitting still. And so the ranch will get quite comfortable with my face because it is there that I find and will find more of who I am.