Entitlement

[Enter...quasi stream of consciousness that leads to subject of Entitlement.] :O)

“One reason we are so harried and hurried is that we make yesterday and tomorrow our business, when all that legitimately concerns us is today. If we really have too much to do, there are some items on the agenda which God did not put there. Let us submit the list to Him and ask Him to indicate which items we must delete. There is always time to do the will of God. If we are too busy to do that, we are too busy.” ~ Elisabeth Elliott ~

Particularly as a Single Mama, I feel a bit harried…and hurried. Too much falling onto my plate at one time. Only two very small arms to juggle the enormous responsibilities that befall this particular circumstance of life. I am slowly but surely learning how to simply EXIST, right now. When I do, I find that my needs are always met with exactly what I need.

I very easily spin out on what is happening tomorrow and the next day and the next day and next month, blah blah blah. This past week has been a bit congested and this week is the same. I’m feeling overwhelmed and burdened by what still lies ahead. Today a rather LARGE unexpected thing happened that stretched me and I’m currently trying to unravel my guts from the experience. In the past I might have received it as a big huge waste of time or bitterness or beat myself up for not knowing better or a bucket full of other reasons. I’m already feeling a bit challenged, I don’t need another thing to complicate it. But today…I am taking the time to breath and allow the opportunity of what happened to settle in, so that I may learn a little bit about myself and about others. I will explain it in a moment, but only when I am able to be still and allow the moments to pass will clarity find its way.

I live very near my church office and our Singles Pastor is also our Bereavement Pastor. He receives a great many calls from individuals who are in need of every possible kind. In Christian ministry, it is our God given joyful responsibility to serve one another. This doesn’t mean only the pretty ones. This means EVERYONE who has a need and seeks for assistance. It is a selfless, graceful, giving, experience to not only share the joy of Christ, but to assist with tangible needs. We like to fill not only their external needs, but minister to their hearts as well. This is not a shove it down your neck kind of approach. It’s not conditional…in order to receive xyz tangible need, you must listen to our sermon. No. Its not like that at all. Its not the way Jesus operated. An example: If someone needs a place to stay, we offer them a host family instead of a hotel, so they may find themselves in positive relationship with someone over a warm meal. The love of Christ naturally surrounds without saying a word. And hopefully the joy that exudes our being will be felt and received by those we are helping. So their hearts are tended to as well as their physical needs.

There are limitations to ministry when certain individuals ask for assistance and it is heart breaking and gut wrenching to have to turn some away. I have become a host to certain individuals who are in need of a place to stay. Today I had the opportunity to host a single gal. I prayed for discernment and was covered by my Pastor, since Single Motherhood carries with it certain vulnerabilities that have to be taken into consideration. I met her for coffee and my first instinct was good, but in less than an hour’s time, I felt a significant reservation in my spirit about allowing her to stay with us. I didn’t sense a direct threat for our safety, but that there were a lot of things hidden. The more she spoke, the more her story contradicted itself. I was becoming increasingly more discomforted as the day wore on. I brought her to my pastor so that he could meet her personally and offer her any additional resources that she may need. After their discussion, he let me know the deal was done and I was to return her back to the place where I picked her up. My guts turned inside out during the car ride back to the hotel where I picked her up. Learning that my discerning spirit is accurate is one challenge for me. Its a discomfort that I often times feel like I need to crawl out of my skin to avoid. I don’t always know the reason why I feel so bad. But I do know that something is off. The second challenge is my empathetic spirit. The one that feels the pain and agony of another and what they must be going through in such a time of need. And then the guilt that follows by not being able to help them in the way that they need.

There are certain things that become deal breakers for ministry to completely manifest that individuals cause for themselves. It becomes careless and irresponsible to fulfill certain things they need if there is some threat involved. There were certain things that this gal spoke to my pastor that raised this red flag for him that caused him to turn her away. I’m having growing pains as a part of this process. The naive me would have disregarded the reservations I felt and allowed her to stay. This could have placed my daughter and me in a potentially dangerous and/or unhealthy situation. It is so important to have accountability and covering when making important decisions. Christian ministry is about service, but not without responsibility. There is a world of individuals that feel an entitlement to assistance without responsibility and become enraged or embittered when they don’t get their way. This is a dangerous combination. Particularly for a very kind, nice, naive, trusting individual like myself. I trust everyone until they give me a reason otherwise. My discerning spirit is getting tuned in to counteract this naivete and is not easy. Unravelling an untruth that I have learned as truth is a painful process. It is NEVER a requirement or obligation of ours as servants of Christ to compromise ourselves for the betterment or service of others. I learned somehow growing up that I DID have to compromise myself for others… that my decisions and actions were the cause or problem of others’ reactions and feelings; I was the cause of their misery. To withdraw myself from that mindset… is like swimming upstream in a river of razor blades. But its a lie. Their cuts and wounds are theirs. Not mine. And it is not my responsibility either personally or in ministry to compromise myself…even as a servant of Jesus. He granted the humble and faithful their wishes. But those who demanded something of him were held accountable to their own actions.

Unravelling the twists and turns is an exercise for sure. Good exercise. But there’s no gain, where there’s no pain.